Stalemate
What does one do when disappointment among friends looms over a friendship like a tower from a horror novel?
I’m hurt, she’s hurt, neither one of us is really speaking to the other; unless you count text messages that are pleasant enough but feel hollow and distant, like one of those old radio shows from the 40’s.
I’m sure she feels I let her down. I didn’t mean to…But meaning to do something and not doing it are worlds apart when feelings are involved. She probably felt ignored. She should have understood, I said to myself while my nagging conscience clucked.
I should have called her up and let her bitch at me, but I didn’t. I didn’t pick up the phone because I needed to be selfish and because I was a chicken-shit. Because truth be told I hate confrontation. Fighting with her (something we’ve never done in the 12 years I’ve known her) would only make me feel worse. I couldn’t allow myself to feel any worse.
In the swirl of a homecoming that was much too short, I was hanging on to a happiness, that for duty’s sake, would take he, who I hold most dear, away from me for another year. I was trying my best to drown out the sadness and depression that lay beneath my fleeting happiness.
Could she not see the hollow light in my eyes? I wondered on a most special day.
I thought she’d understand. I was wrong. She couldn’t possibly understand what I was feeling-I shouldn’t have expected her to.
We’ll figure things out once he’s gone. I thought. I was sure she’d call and ask how I was doing, on the day my Airman flew away.
She didn’t. Was this my recompense? I failed her. She failed me. It’s so stupid really, the dumbest stalemate in history.
Now, nearly a month has gone by.
Did we expect too much from each other? I love her like my own sisters, she stands high on a platinum pedestal, one reserved only for the most deserving of friends, and there she’ll remain.
Yet now there is this thing–casting its shadow on our friendship.
I can’t help but feel my own disappointment in her. Part of me feels like an ass for even feeling this way, but I do. There are some days I feel like I’m hanging off a ledge on that dark tower with only my fingertips to keep me from falling, I dare not glance down, for fear she may not be there.
* * *
M – if you read this. You are one of the best friends a person could have. xo
* * *
Author’s note:
This has been weighing heavily on me. I’ve wanted to write about it, but for what-ever reasons I hadn’t. Then this writing prompt for Write On Edge’s “RemembeRED” series was posted. The topic was friendship. That’s all the nudge I needed.
image: this dude on deviant art ->http://adriandierigl.deviantart.com/
Read Morebeginning…
The beginning is always the hardest part. Sometimes taking the first step can make your feet feel like they’re crazy glued to the ground. Starting something, no matter what it is can be daunting…so we procrastinate, make up excuses, give in to our fears, instead of just taking that first step. Sometimes we just need a little faith to get us going. This is just a little reminder, for myself-and anyone who could use it to have a little faith in yourself and your abilities.
About the photo:
I asked my husband to snap a picture one day (before he left) of these pretty ballet flats from the Gap I adore (they’ve got the cutest little bows on the back of them!) The photograph turned out so well, I really wanted to do something with it. I thought a nice little inspirational wordy bit at the bottom would give me a reason to post it- so that it wouldn’t be just a gush about my favorite ballet flats! The jeans are skinny cut with a row of buttons at the ankle (borrowed from my mother) they are also by the Gap. Peeking out from must above my left ankle is my “keep graceful dancing“- Blue October, lyrical tattoo I got last-last year. ♥♥♥
Photo was taken with a Nikon D3100 and a 18-55 mm VR lens -edited on a Mac, using Pixelmator and Photo Effects Studio Pro.
love and getting over the first step,
nicóle
Read MoreGreen Superhero Juice-Recipe
I’ve begun juicing. After viewing the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and reading several articles about the crap that’s in certain beverages my kids love to drink-and for the added health benefits of yours truly it was inevitable.
It’s actually something I’ve wanted to do for ages…My mom would make us fresh fruit juice growing up and it is really just lovely! I wanted to do the same for my boys too. They just adore going to Jamba Juice and now I can (and have) make their favorite smoothies and juices at home.
Here is one of the first juice recipes I concocted. It’s a green juice-please don’t let the color discourage you from giving this a swirl on your palate. My boys (notoriously picky) really enjoyed this juice. They laughed and looked at me like I’d finally lost my mind when they saw the color. Before they could run for the hills I told them it was the superhero juice. They then drank two glasses of it in one sitting. It is..superhero juice…when you think about it!
I made about 1 1/2 quarts of this. I make it in fairly large batches cause it’s for the kiddos and me. This recipe can definitely be reduced for a single serving etc.
To make this green juice you’ll need:
Kale 1 bunch
Spinach 1 bunch
Apples (I used organic) about 8 small kept the skins on since they were organic apples
2 pears
15 large strawberries
ginger -this is optional and it does give it a bit of a kick. I used a piece about an inch long.
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